We've all seen the laugh reacts, inappropriate or demeaning comments on posts and mean-spirited memes. "Vanilla-Shaming" is the new "Kink-Shaming", and it's the latest way to make us feel negatively towards our sex lives.
Sex is already considered a taboo subject and hard for some people to talk about. Insulting one another and passing judgement on what others are comfortable with sexually, is not acceptable!
When asked to write a piece for this blog on the subject of "Vanilla-Shaming", I knew what it was. It's something you should not do, and it's becoming increasingly common. Especially on social media platforms such as Tik Tok, Instagram, and FB.
It wasn't until I started researching the topic, reading and watching the impact it has on a person, that I realised just how much this behaviour needs to stop! Both individually and in a relationship this is causing people to think negatively about themselves, what they like, and sex in general.
The term "Vanilla" in sex varies from person to person, but is loosely defined as the standard, plain, or mainstream version. However, what some consider to be Vanilla, could very well be someone else's Cookies and Cream!
Sex is not always rough, intense, and kinky. Sometimes it is soft, gentle and relaxing - this is classed as "Vanilla" sex. A lot of people do it, a lot of people love it, and that is perfectly OK! Calling "vanilla" sex "boring" is just as insulting as shaming someone over kink. Not everyone is equally adventurous or confident when it comes to sex. This should be up to the individual. Sex should not be viewed as a competition or used in comparison to others' sexual behaviours. It is important to remember that we are all different, as are our tastes and personal preferences.
If you know what you like and get pleasure from the sex you are having, you should not feel any pressure to change your existing bedroom habits. You get to define what feels right for you, and if you get pleasure from the same positions, and are happy with what you are doing sexually, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
It seems this is particularly an issue for women, as a lot feel pressured to try things they are not comfortable with or that they just simply don't enjoy, as they don't want to be put under the "vanilla" label. I find this both disturbing and sad.
No-one should feel the need to compare their sexual experiences with others' experiences or even feel the need for a label. As long as all parties involved are comfortable with the situation and consent, there is no right or wrong when it comes to sex.
Weather you love all things vanilla or you are a kink lover, your version of great sex is valid and all forms of sex should be enjoyed, accepted, and celebrated.
~Jade~